THE DUSTYBEAR BLOGPOST TIMES GAZETTE - and RANTER'S WHINY [DE]PRESS[ED] -TIMES

2007-07-10T06:13:00.000-07:00

OKAY OKAY. I know. Mah Burfday ith ovah. PFUI! Tain't fair.
I AM CONVINCED THAT THE CELEBRATEY SHOULD GO ON AND ON...

Hmmm..

okay, there is that other bloggie...
the games one...
hehehee.

free drinks.
Lots of fun...
http://bear-fore-play.blogspot.com/

WHEEE

Oh, and for ALL you slugs who were jest THOO bizzy you couldn't find the time to shop for mah gifty...

I'll make it ez for yah...

http://dustybearsplaceonline.blogspot.com/

It's an OFFISHUL Amazon.com webby too.

WHOO HOO

Oh, you can have LOADS of fun...picking out stuffies for Bear. Yep.
Free shippy too.
Usually...

Hmmm.
I better hop on ovah to Porsche.com and see if mah new wheelies ith ready.

WHAT?
You didn't?

PFUI

Drat.

Oh well, Christmassy ith kumin...
HINT HINT....

OH WAIT, I KNOW...

2007-06-28T21:26:00.000-07:00

They're all out last minute shopping.

HEHEHE

SHHHH

supposed to be a surprise.

GIGGLE
shhhh
hehehe

OKAY...

2007-06-28T21:25:00.000-07:00

It's after midnight.

LET THE FESTIVITIES BEGIN...............

hello?

hello?

Harumph.

Okay...boys and whatever....HURRY

2007-06-28T17:42:00.000-07:00

You got LESS THAN FOUR HOURS to round up mah present.

SO GET A MOVE-ON!

Giggle

A NICE TOUCH?

Buy one of mah bookies and donate it to the less fortunate.
(A literacy check won't be necessary. It's the thought that counts)

HURRY HURRY!

Hehee
Db

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT

2007-06-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

LATE BREAKING NEWS

It is being widely reported that a certain Bear...

just might be having a burfday coming up.

THE WORLDWIDE WEB IS BRACING FOR A TORRENT OF BEST WISHES

VERIZON EXPECTS RECORD CALLS BEING PLACED ON FRIDAY THE 29TH

BAKERIES EXPECT A RECORD NUMBER OF CAKES TO BE SOLD

ALL MAJOR RETAILERS ARE BRACING FOR THE 2ND BIGGEST SALES EVENT OF THE YEAR (Right behind Groundhog Day)

MAJOR BOOKSELLERS REPORT RECORD PROFITS AS LATEST DUSTYBEAR TOME
FLIES OFF THE SHELVES (This report courtesy of Fantasy Review)

STATE POLICE EXPECTED TO 'BEEF' (Non-Chinese Imported, of course) UP PATROLS AS WELL-WISHERS FLOOD ALL HIGHWAYS LEADING TO THE FOREST

AHHH YES, IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN ONCE MORE...

MAJOR GREETING CARD MANUFACTURERS FALL BEHIND IN INVENTORY AS SALES OF BIRTHDAY CARDS SKYROCKET

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dustybear, meanwhile, is taking a nap...resting up for the huge bash to be held in his honor
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

DREAM ON, BEAR...DREAM ON....

Giggle.

STATE MOTTO'S - Brushing up

2007-06-27T05:29:00.000-07:00

One of my ancestors, Brigadier General John Stark (Who led the battle of Bunker Hill and later led the battle of Bennington which effectively ended the Revolutionary War), was also the author of the State Motto of the State of New Hampshire...Live Free Or Die.

Now let's see how much you know about the other states and their motto's. (I have taken the liberty of doing a TEENY bit of updating them).

Alabama: HELL YES, We Have Electricity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything, Raht Bubba?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connecticut: Just Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ...
(Well Okay, We're Not; But The Potatoes Are Real Good)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
(Trust me. You don't wanna know).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
(For Most Tax Brackets)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes...
(And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
(Eat Your Heart Out, Louisiana)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky...
The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Little Else
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nevada: Prostitutes and Poker!
(LONG LIVE NEVADA)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
(But Leave Your Money)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here! (FUHGEDDABOUTIT)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To an Attorney
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States! HONEST!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War?
We Didn’t Actually Surrender
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tennessee: The Educashun State
(We Used To Be The Volunteer State, But We Ran Out)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English) (Poorly).
(ALTERNATE: George WHO?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vermont: Yep
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slack jaw Yokels Don't Mix?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington: Help! Nerds And Slackers Overrun Us!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor? Free Drugs!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese (Pfffft)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and The Sheep Are Scared

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Puerto Rico: Que Pasa, Senor

AND NOW, NEWS FROM THE NORTH OF IRAQ

2007-06-16T16:41:00.001-07:00

EDITORIAL PAGE - JUNE 16th 2007

2007-06-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

THIS IS EDUCATION?

Results of a new poll released this week points to the sorry state of affairs in our educational system in this country (if you can call THIS...education).

WASHINGTON — Students in a handful of big-city school districts have a less than 50-50 chance of graduating from high school with their peers, and a few cities graduate far fewer than half each spring, according to research released on Tuesday.

Fourteen urban school districts have on-time graduation rates lower than 50%; they include Detroit, Baltimore, New York, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Los Angeles, Miami, Dallas, Denver and Houston.

The findings present a bleak picture and are sure to generate controversy as lawmakers and others push to keep U.S. students competitive globally.

While the basic finding that the nation's overall graduation rate is about 70% is not new, the study suggests that graduation rates are much lower than previously reported in many states. It also could bring the dropout debate to the local level, because it allows anyone with Internet access to view with unprecedented detail data on the nation's 12,000 school districts.

Among the nation's 50 largest districts, the study finds, three graduate fewer than 40%: Detroit (21.7%), Baltimore (38.5%) and New York City (38.9%).

DETROIT MI: LESS THAN 25 % of the cities high school students are currently graduating, giving it the distinction of having the worst graduation rates in the country. Good God.

Other cities have NO reason to gloat. In city after city, it is obvious that our nations schools are failing our children.

WHY?

1) Not enough money for our schools? Probably partly the reason.
2) Not enough well-qualified teachers to stand in the classrooms,
especially in the inner-cities? Probably another part of the reason.
3) Not enough parental involvement in their own children's education?
Definitely a major component of the overall failure...but not the only one.

What is it gonna take?

I have some thoughts, but I am also interested in hearing other points of view...aimed at SOLUTIONS!

Now is your chance.

I will forward the responses to Lou Dobbs and Anderson Cooper at CNN.

GO FOR IT.

THE EDITORIAL PAGE - OPINION

2007-06-16T02:48:00.000-07:00

GEORGE W BUSH –
A MAN FOR THE AGES

Unfortunately. Out of all the ones he cudda picked…

He had to pick this one.

Just our (Bad) luck.

G W: The kind of person who REALLY makes you wish that one of these times he puts his foot in his mouth it would get stuck there. Hell, you’d almost think it was…as much as one can find it there. Actually, it’s a good thing he has two feet. That way he doesn’t have to keep moving his foot from one mouth to the other.

I know where I’d like to put MY foot.

Consistency is NOT one of ol’ G Dubya’s strong suits.

Hell, he’s flipped more times than Aunt Jemima at a pancake breakfast.

(Or Bruciepoo at the baths on Saturday night).

In a recent poll of U.S. citizens (You know. The people George has nothing in common with, likes to ignore whenever possible, and cares about not a whit…THOSE citizens. Wait, that’s the problem. He likes all those millions of NON-citizen residents. They don’t dare tell him what they think on risk of deportation. Yeh, like THAT’S likely).

Anyway, people were asked if they had had enough of the current administration in Washington, D.C.

Responses were overwhelmingly in the affirmative, like…

Brenda in Baltimore: Oh GOD yes.

Charles in Cincinnati: Can I offer to help him pack?

Alma in Amarillo: What’s he gonna do next. We here in Texas don’t want him back. I’m a Texan who is ashamed to have voted for him.

George in Gainesville: Even Saddam is beginning to look good by comparison.

Bill Clinton in New York: George WHO?

Hillary Clinton...(Somewhere on the campaign trail): Honey, even my DOG has better manners…and let me tell you something else. Even my DEAR husband Bill has never screwed as many people as George Bush has. And honey. I oughta know. (Wasn’t for lack of trying on Bill’s part though).

Larry Flynt: George Bush is even a bigger Hustler than I am.

I can’t IMAGINE that he is THAT tone-deaf that he doesn’t know that almost eighty percent of the American people think he is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

WRONG about the war. WRONG about Immigration. WRONG about education. WRONG about National Security. WRONG about spending.

The few people who used to think he was at least competent no longer do. The people who never thought he was are now convinced of it.

The few who have liked him in the past are now moving away from him in droves.

The people who never liked him now both hate him and feel sorry for him, and even sorrier for Laura. Even George the 1st comes in for sympathy to have such a doofus for a son, and a dangerous doofus at that.

CAN WE REALLY AFFORD ANOTHER EIGHTEEN MONTHS OF THE BUSH PRESIDENCY?

Perhaps. But how long is it gonna to take to clean up the mess he has made.

I wonder if Barbara had this problem when G Dubya was just a cub.

“George, CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM.”

I’ll bet that room is still a disaster. Like he is.

Ol’ Peter Pace had a lot of nerve calling sissies immoral. What in the HELL does he think Bush is?

BUT, then again...he didn’t get into office by immaculate conception.

He was VOTED in.

I think it’s just possible that we may deserve what we have gotten.

BUT PLEASE…

Can we do a TEEENY bit better NEXT TIME?

That is, if we last that long.

Oh yeh. I wonder what part of COMMUNIST CHINA Georgie is planning to retire in. It’s about the only place on the planet where he will be welcome by the time he leaves office. But hell, even they think he is a FOOL. (They are sure playing him for one).

Sigh:

God Bless America…

And while you’re at it Lord, DO SOMETHING WITH GEORGE TOO.

(And if you need any help with that, let me know. I got a few ideas, Lord).

AMEN!

That’s ONE Bear’s opinion.

NEWS BULLETIN:

2007-06-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

(Originally reported in Bear's Literary Digest - Woodland edition/June 2007 vol 1 no 7)

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device (BOOK)

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it.

Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere --even sitting in an armchair by the fire--yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD.

Here's how it works:

Each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information.

These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.

By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain.

A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet.

The BOOK may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish.

Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session -- even if the BOOK has been closed.

BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.

Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, and many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool.

Coming soon, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus.....

NON- BEAR Quote of the Day:

"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." Oscar Levant

Non-Bear Thought for the day:

"On the other hand, you have different fingers." Steven Wright

IN OTHER NEWS:

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."

INTERCEPTED: A LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT

2007-06-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

Evidently, ol G Dubya and I have similar email addies. His has something to do with the White House while mine has something to do with the White Cave. The mix-up is perfectly understandable. Anyway, I received this recently and thought I would share it. Makes sense to me.

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? [Non-Quebec ones though...I don't speak French]

2. I have a friend who would like to sell his daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that men are allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do you tell?

If you ask, most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my DUDE friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging

Dustybear

Oops. Okay. Okay. YES I WROTE THIS. Dang. Caught red-pawed. Anyway...

P S...

Dear GWI

I haven't found anything in there about Hooman-Bears....Perhaps YOU have.
But then, Leviticus is only Book III...I'm sure I'll find SOMETHING in there somewhere...

Thanks again...Db

BY THE WAY...

2007-06-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

JUNE IS PRIDE MONTH. So, be proud.
JUNE IS ALSO BEAR'S BURFDAY. So, send $$$.
(If you send enough, you get one of mah bookies.
Autographed even.
HEHEHEHE).

OKAY OKAY

2007-06-12T21:41:00.000-07:00

Ah bin bithy. Proofreedy the galleys from the publisher for mah latest tome. Dime A Dance - Bk 1 Pt 2.

Finished earlier. God I am tired.
But, I did watch the news.

Dannielynn is now in the United States.
Miss Whinybutt is still in jail.

All is right with the whirld.

Wait. She gets a $50,000 getting out of jail BASHY? IN VEGAS?
Okay. What is wrong with THITH picture. All I ever got was a stern look and a lecture.

Course, Bears are notorious for child-discipline. OHH yeth. HEY, I didn't kill anyone either.
(Although, I did side swipe a squirrel. He wasn't seriously injured...and he was nuts to begin with).

You know, some HUMANS may think that I am being a bit harsh with miss 'you know', but...
BOYS AND OTHERS...

She was driving DRUNK. Then she FLAUNTED her arrogance by driving again anyway, without a license...and DRUNK AGAIN to boot. That aint' funny. I have lost friends to drunk drivers and it is NO joke.

Besides, the bitch is pushing 30 for Gods sake. When is she gonna grow up?
(Rhetorical question. Answer=never, obviously).

I feel sorry for her in a way. I feel even sorrier for the people she is gonna impact (with her car) one of these days...since I don't get the slightest hint that she is at all remorseful. Somewhere along the way, Mith pith needs to realize that there are ramifications for one's actions (at least for the rest of us)...and those consequences are not always pleasant. But, that's life folks.

Sadly, that little fact of life doesn't seem to have penetrated yet. Maybe the next week or so in jail will underscore the notion. I wouldn't bet the cave on it.

Stay tuned. I have no doubt there is much more to this story to come. URGH.

That's my opinion.

Db

THE WHINY TIMES WEAKLY

2007-06-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

Okay. So, does anyone know where mith P ith?

In JAIL?
AGAIN?

What for THITH time.
Same thing.
AGAIN?

WHAT?
They let her out because it is said she was mentally unstable. THAT WAS A NEWS FLASH, BECAUSE? Geez Don't these people watch cable?

So, how come she is back in...
They shouldn't have let her out.
HUH?

Big mistake.
Booking error?
No?
Uh...
A confrontation between the judge and the sheriff?

WEEEEELY?
Who was the Judge. Judy?
Wait. She would have had better sense.

So, about this confrontation. Wath there gunfire?
No.
Screaming and hollering?
No.
Cussing and snorting?
No.

Not much of a confrontation if you as...
What?

The sheriff ADAMANTLY REFUSED to go pick up Mith whinybutt from her house.
Geez. With her $$, she could get a cab, one would thi...
Okay. So, how did she get...

Sheriff backed down.
I C.
Backed down what?
A hill?
From hith position.
What position?
Doggy style?
Mission?

I know, but it's been awhile. Bear...with me. Giggle.

Okay. So, hitting the highlights, Mith Snivels ith back in jail to serve the rest of her sentence.
Right?

WHAT YOU MEAN, NO?
GROWL.

Another court hearing on Monday.
AND.....

They HAVE to give her bail.
So, then she be OUT again?

Jail=revolving doors.
Mith drippy housie=revolving doors.
Her sanity=revolving psychiatrists.

Okay. WHERE IS SHE THIS MINUTE?

Nobody's sure?

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Jest ONE MORE QUESTION;
HOW MUCH $$$ are we paean taxpayers getting socked for through all this?

Stay tuned?

She may be on suicide watch?
If nobody watches, this could all be over.

BUT I WOULDN'T BET ON IT.

HOW IN THE HELL DID ALL THIS HAPP...

Ms Spears was taking a nap, and Ms Lohan was as well.

AHHH.
Makes perfect sense.

UHHH, has ANYBODY been keeping tabs on Iraq, or the Presidential Campaign, or Iran, or North Korea, or DANNIELYNN?

Where's ol' G Dubya?
EUROPE?

QUICK.
SHUT THE DAMN DOORS.
LOCK ALL OF THEM.
WHAT?
He has his own keys?
Okay. WHO WAS THE BOZO....
I should have known...
Okay. where is Cheneydipstick?

Nobody knows.
Prolly with Mith P H

Crap

WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!

LATE BREAKING...YAWN...NEWS...YAWN...zzzzzz

2007-06-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

Well, here is the latest in the news event of the century/decade/year/month/week/day/hour/

(Keep going)

half-hour/minute/NANO-SECOND...or perhaps NEVER

I think we found it.

"YOU KNOW WHO" aka YKW (I can't BEAR to even utter that trollop's name) has been released from prison/jail/detention center/spa/resort. Who knows and who cares.

Her po wittle ol' mind was jest SOOO fragile.
POPCORN POOO.

FIRST OF ALL, how can her mind be considered fragile (assuming she even has one and the jury is still out on that one), when less than 24 hours earlier she was very much in evidence at that awards event and acting norma...ok, let's not say NORMAL. Let's just say her usually dippy selfy.

Oh, I know she has LEGIONS of fans who were jest DEVASTED by the news that their HEROINE (Heroin - Synonymous with dope) wath going to the BIG HOUSE. (Yeh right).

Lesse. She drove drunk and got caught. She PWOMISED to be good, but went right out and was caught driving BOTH DRUNK, and on a suspended license. (Amazing they didn't charge her with chronic dipstickness).

Gee, so she got tried and convicted. WHOSE FAULT WAS THAT? HMM?
DRIVING DRUNK...TWICE! Totally irresponsible, not to mention that she could have KILLED somebody. Hell, she could have killed herself.

But, after 3-4-5 days, whatever, PO WITTLE WICH GURL...is jest SOOO distrawt, that she has to go HOME FROM THE BIG HOUSIE...invite over all her friendsies, and eat fresh-made hand-delivered (gratis to boot) CUPCAKES, her fave's too...
WHILE....all those OTHER sicko's in the jail have to STAY there.

(Their last name prolly isn't HILTON). WHERE IS MUMSY in all this?

GASP? NOOO
WEELY?

GIVING WHAT TO THE SHERIFF?
A B ....

EEEK?

Didja all watch the FIASCO of a press conference?

Our law enforcement dollars at work.

ONLY IN LOS ANGELES.
ONLY IN AMERICA.

You know what? If we had only negotiated to trade MISS THING for Saddam, we wouldn't be in the mess we're in in Iraq today.

UNLESS...she bored them insurgents to death as fast as she has bored me to death.
"No, No, MEESTAH Busch. You can have her back. Issa ALL right. We don't need nuffin.
You can KEEEEP MISTAH Hussein too. We go now." VROOM...

Then, after that, all we have to do when they start gettin' rowdy over in the middle East is to threaten to send her back there.

They start kissing each other, hugging, inter-marrying...

Why do I alus get these bright ideas AFTERWARD.

STAY TUNED: MISS 'P' has a court date in the morning.
WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

You know, I would begin to be wondering, if the only date I could get was in court.
HEHEHE.
$$$ don't buy happiness, but $$$ and a fast mouth and a hot tongue EVIDENTLY CAN buy you a ticket out of jail.

IMPORTANT REMINDER - OPINION

2007-06-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

I would NOT think I would have to remind ANY American, but...

Tonight at 7PM EDT, on CNN:

FROM Sullivan Arena at St. Anselm College in Manchester New Hampshire

ALL TEN ANNOUNCED PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES
vying on the Republican side...will debate.

It's VERY early in the process...True.
But, I think we are on the precipice
of a genuinely historic election in 2008
that stands to change the direction, the tone,
and the future of this country for years to come.

Whether you are Democrat, Republican, Independent,
or whatever...

What ultimately emerges from these debates, the upcoming
primaries, and the subsequent election will affect ALL of us.

7pm is WAY too early to go to the bars.

If you're an American, BE one.
Get involved.

Our future depends on it. Our liberty depends on it.
Freedom is not a 'right' as much as it is a privilege.
Bought with a very heavy price. It's up to all of us to make a difference.
Otherwise, we have only ourselves to blame.

WHO NEEDS ANOTHER TEN YEARS LIKE THE LAST SIX!

Db

BREAKING (SORTA) NEWS (SORTA) --- NEWS FROM THE YAWN-WHO CARES DEPT.

2007-06-04T23:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry Charlie. It's true.

You know who...started serving their sentence today.

EEEEEEEEEEK!

YES, the prima donna of spoiled little rich bitches is learning that,
alas, there ARE consequences for one's actions.

BIT LATE for that little lesson-learning...
but, bettah late than doing it in your 70's I guessy.

OKAY!

She is in jail. Boy babies are once again safe in their beds (Perhaps...hehehe)
We spent an ENTIRE DAY without the exploits of Ms' Spears and Lohan.
YAY!

Anna Nicole is quiet.
Dannielynn is quiet.

ALL them yawners are quiet.

SO?
That means it's time for...
POLITICS!

EEEEEEEEEEEK!

DON'T GET ME STARTED!

Okay, too late for that.
HEHEHE.

SAMPLE:
I AM FOR...GLOBAL WARMING!
(as long as it is ONLY in mah big beddy).

I am FOR illegal immigration.
(As long as it's ugly American people fleeing into Mexico).

I am FOR Iran having Nuclear Weapons.
(As long as they store all of them somewhere in the United States...and they don't have the key for the padlock on the self-storage unit).

Okay. You get the idea.
This is now shaping up to be the LONGEST political season in history.
HOW CAN THAT BE?

This? In a country where everyone bitches if they have to cook something in the oven and not the microwave, cause it takes longer?

FAST food? Disposable diapers? Even FASTER and MORE DISPOSABLE relationships?

I am SHOCKED!

Americans, who are notorious for having the attention span of a gerbil are actually being expected to suffer through a political campaign that lasts TWO YEARS?

NAPS ARE MANDATORY, Ah bet.
Hope there ain't gonna be a quiz at the end.
Oh wait.
ELECTION DAY!
Same thing.

Will we even remember by then who is running now?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

HAHAHA!

Most of us don't even remember the name of the hottie we just woke up laying next to at 7 am...who we didn't even know existed at midnight.

Rudy who?
Hillary WHO?

STAY TUNED.
I has a hunch it's gonna be a LONG year.

CALIFORNIA...THEN AND NOW

2007-06-02T23:52:00.000-07:00

157 Years Ago This Week

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 157 years ago?

California became a state. The state had no electricity, no money, almost everyone spoke Spanish and there were gunfights in the streets.

So basically it was just like California is today, except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

(A big thumbs up to Joan N McK in Tucson Az for this one).

EXTRA...BREAKING NEWS BULLETIN...EXTRA:

2007-06-01T23:55:00.000-07:00

SPEAKING OF E-HARMONY...and we were

Did you read or see in the news where that bastion of successful (albeit ultra-conservative) matchmaking is really coming under fire...with several lawsuits being lodged against it.

According to CNN, the trouble started when a Lesbian tried to sign up...only to find out that there was NO possible way to be matched EXCEPT with a man. (Evidently, fudging about her gender never crossed her mind)...
and I can't say as I blame her. Matter of principle, it is.

A spokesman for E-Harmony says that the lawsuit is absurd and they are absolutely NOT homophobic. They just haven't conducted any RESEARCH on gays. WHERE HAVE THESE TWITS BEEN?

NO RESEARCH?

Okay, Bubba. Here's what you do. You get ONE researcher to hit the bars on Saturday night. Another to hit the GLBT community center, and another to come out to the forest and interview Martin/Madelayne Bear. Stay for one of the shows at 9, 11, 12:30, and 2am. THAT oughta do it.

They can all meet up back at the ol' E Harmony digs and compare notes.
Stupid twitophobies.

What made me laugh? That SPOKES-PERTHUN-POO? PUWEESE.
I hate queens who SMIRK. Hmm. Gee...who does that remind me of, G DUBYA.
Incompetent smirky twittus. He only got to be President cause Texas was afraid to let him stay there any longer. Afraid he would invade New Mexico or Oklahoma. Harumph.

Personally, I think DICK (HEAD) CHENEY shudda left Iraq alone and invaded Bush. They could be picking out their china and silver at Neiman-Marcus right now, and the REST of us could be living without the consequences of a Bush presidency. (Cheney Fiefdom. Take your pick).

You know what else? I know that DICKIE's daughter is a lesbian...and I should be liking her just cause, but frankly I have seen her interviewed several times. She's PERIOUSLY close to being her father, in a dress and preggers.

Now THAT'S an image sure to instill terminal giggles in the throats of the insurgents. (Whatever keeps them busy, I say).

THAT'S IT. BY JOVE, AH THINKIES BEAR HATH GOT IT...YETH!

LET's make a video. Take ALL the footage we can find of Cheners, and SPICE it up. Put the bast$% in a dressy. HIGH HEELS. CURLERS...WHOO HOO. Pursies. PASTIES!

Hell, them Iranians, Syrians, and all-around mayhemsters...will all be laughing so hard...OUR BOYS can go in and PUMP DER BUTTSKIES.

I jest love it when a good plan comes together. Don't you?

VICTORY IN IRAQ CELEBRATION...IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THE ASSKICKING...

CLOTHES OPTIONAL
Amen.

EXTRA...BREAKING NEWS BULLETIN...EXTRA:

2007-06-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

BREAKING NEWS BULLETIN: BEAR RUNS FOR PRESIDENT

HeidiHO, Hillary.
Brushing past Barack
Send John to the john
ROARING past Rudy...
Toot toot, Newt.
I say...be gone to the throng.

WHOO HOO....
DAH BEAR PRESIDENTIAL PLATFORM...

(No, Bubba. Dat ain't about shoes...geez).

1. Bear season will be outlawed. No more shooty at Bears.

The noise from all dem rifles makes it hard to nappy...and those bullets whizzin' thru

mah hair? EEEK! Ah paid a lot of $$$ for dis dooo.

2. Free food for Bears. This may require a supplemental appropriation. You

ever seen how much a Bear eats? Yours truly excepted, of course. AH am SVELTE.

But, dem fat-butt cousins of mine? Hmmm. Perhaps I may have to re-think that free

food thingy.

Bettah stay tuned.

3. All squirrels will be banished from dah forest. Varmits. Always running around...vroom vroom vroom. Makes me dizzy and AH do NOT need any help whatsoever bein' dizzy. (Shut up, Bruce).

4. RE: Bears in dah Circus.
Making Bears put on wittle skirts and dance. GASP!
That is just SOO WRONG! No moah.

5. NO MORE TAXES. Nope. Taxes outlawed...
UNLESS...
dah $$$ goes to feed Bears, pays for Bear vacations to Tahiti, new cars for Bears. Yeppy.
We also need $$$ for old Bears Home.

Dat takes a lotta $$$ money.

Drat. Okay, taxes back on.

6. Free tickies for Bears to all baseball games. Yep. No more hanging over the fence.

Nope...

(and LIFE IN PRISON for anyone who swats Bear butt while he is...shall we say...
exposed).

7. Hmmm. ALL dat tawk about food...makin' me...

okay, I be back.

OH...before I forget. FIRST OFFISHUL BEAR PROCLAMATION THINGUS.

We gonna send ol' G Dubya, Tony Blair, and Dickhead on their honeymoon. To CHINA.
ONE-WAY.

Let them screw the Chinese for a few decades. If that don't straighten out their eyes, nuffin will.

PEACE...NOT PIECES.
Thas MAH motto.

Laters...

DUSTYBEAR...FROM THE TOP (OPINION)

2007-05-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

PROFILES IN NUFFIN-NESS

I get a huge giggle out of all these 'online dating/social interaction' sites I see all over everywhere. Some advertise on tv, like E Harmony...and I have ventured into some of these I must admit. I've even made a few friends in the process. But, from the very first time I wandered into this netherworld of what is truly and simply the 21st Century version of the old 'Personals' one used to find in the backs of 'THOSE' kinds of mags.

I was struck by these 'PROFILE' thingys...and took note of how much stock some people seem to take in those things. I've never been one much for the mere visual, per se. But...

Anyway, I finally felt compelled (as usual) to put my impressions down in print...and so, here they are.

PROFILES

Profiles...

The very essence of them...

defiles

the individuality

the genius...

the complexity...

the sheer art..

of what goes into the

make up...

of each of us..

I fuss..you say..

HEY....

So I have brown hair..

or eye of blue..

WHAT?

does that...really...TELL you..

of ME?

My height..

My plight..in life...?

or age...

WHAT in God's name does THAT say...

Maturity?...or endlessly immature?

BOLD?

DEMURE?

Does it tell you...the way I think?

How many times my eyes blink

per hour?

Does it say...Bear likes this or that flower?

No. Not in the least.

Someone's literal age ONLY tells one basic fact:
how many years someone has been on this planet..

BUT, it does NOT tell what I have done with them...

Whether wild or wooly? Liberal or not?

Can't tell by that. Nope.

Stable,

Reckless?

or not?

Hot...BLOODED...

or nerd?

In a word...

WHAT...

in the HELL...

does a profile...

REALLY TELL you...

REALLY say..

States...the stats.
Pretty much it.

Flat statistical info...

Does it tell my heart ...

to GO?

YES?

NO?

I'm afraid not..

Why I hate as well..

filling out those stupid things...

Circles and endless rings of insipid nothingness...

and I must confess that I am NOT good at that...

Do they tell you I am a writer?

A THINKER?

A good guy?

A STINKER?

Perhaps...hehe

I just did..

OR...
maybe I am hid..

somewhere beneath

this silly rhyme..

Time..

may tell...

But my profile probably will not..

HOT?

is in the HEART of the beholder..

not the eye..

Better to let the inner being strum...

let the drum of the PERSON...beat

make your feet tap...

wrap itself around the notion...

that there may be an OCEAN of

GOOD stuff..

that FAR transcends...

the mere FACTS...

which so many seem to confuse with

the TOTAL SUM...of ones parts...

NO...there is SO MUCH MORE...to me..

than just a factoid or two..

probably there is to you, too.

Will we explore..?

Find that MORE?

lurking there?

or will either of us reject the chance...

and decide to NOT dance...

to the beat of that drum...

NOT hum along to a song of life..

and not knowing what comes next, rife with the

WONDER that is us two..

friends linked to do..

whatever it is...

that makes the fizz..

tickle the nose...

NOT...go for the ride...

but choose to hide..

behind the pile of rubble

known as a stat or two...

whoo...

and forever wonder...

what might have been...

and, I...am done..

having fun..

for now..

hehee

how..

was YOUR day?

DUSTYBEAR